The Going to Be a Big Sister Talk

April 23 – Cheyenne, my first born, comes over to visit me in Harlem. She lives in Staten Island and it is just shy of two hours to commute to my place. I'm glad to see her. She is very excited about being a big sister and is extremely protective of me.

We spend a bit of time going over baby names and the logistics of a wee one running about…in NYC no less! I gave birth to Cheyenne in Fresno, CA and raised her in Los Angeles. Then moved her to NYC just after her 13th birthday, much to her dismay. She will turn 23 on the 21st of May. She’s excited about the baby. I was worried about how she would feel about my having another child. She’s been the only one for so long. She thinks it is cool, which is a huge relief! She kinda hints that she wishes I'd done it sooner.

I suppose somewhere in the back of my mind I had planned on having more than one child, but pretty much abandoned that idea after Cheyenne turned 10. I'm going to need many hours on a therapists couch to sort out my dating and mating habits.

Cheyenne has lots of questions about the baby and the pregnancy. I tell her things are mostly fine and there is a little concern about the baby not having a heartbeat. Her face is so hopeful, why worry her?

I feel compelled to remind her that it is unusual for a woman my age to fall pregnant naturally and carry a healthy baby to term. She kind of shrugs it off as she says..."but mom, you're so young, you're not like a real 45 year old." By the time she finishes her shrug the gravity of what I have said slides off her back, like water off a duck. Ah, to be young and fearless again! Her conviction helps bolster my own belief in this little person growing inside of me.

"Come on little guy", I whisper to my tummy, "Please don't break your big sister's heart."