I had this kinda crazy idea last week to share my journal and private thoughts with the world. Yesterday, that dream became a reality and I officially birthed "SimplyTanika.com."
Two amazing people accepted my crazy deadline and supported me in getting the site live on 17 March 2018, I am forever grateful. It would have taken me twice as long without them and I am not sure it would have looked so damn good when it was done. While the site will continue to evolve and be a work in progress, I am extremely proud of the site at the time of launch. I hope that with continued love, care and nurturing it will continue to get more and more amazing.
In my infertility journey, I've struggled to find meaning. Why is this happening? Why is it happening to me? What am I supposed to be learning? Well, the simple answer is why NOT you? Infertility can happen to anyone and how it impacts us, is ultimately up to us. That is the only thing in this whole process that we have control over and Lord knows, I like to be in control.
If infertility teaches you one thing, it is to surrender. Surrender your calendar, emotions, personal relationships and your heart. You are in control of nothing, except how you respond to the unexpected. I made the mistake of resisting at first. Eventually, I had to lower my shields and surrender my ships.
In surrendering I sought out a community. Surely there were other women and families struggling with infertility? Where were they and why wasn't anyone talking about it. I joined a local Resolve group in Manhattan. I didn't really connect with anyone. My first session there was a pregnant woman there. She was newly pregnant and "allowed" to continue in the group through the end of her first trimester. I wasn't prepared for that. I never went back.
I poured over mommy board after mommy board and tried to connect. The ones I found the women were in cliques and a bit wary of newcomers. No one said it outright, but most gently suggested that I move straightaway to IVF with donor eggs. Was I really too old to try? Or just too old to try and share it on the message boards. Was it possible that a group who already was ostracized and marginalized was SHAMING me? Didn't we need as much support and inclusion imaginable on this scary road called #infertilitysucks?
I am certain there are other women out there who are looking for a safe, supportive place to share stories, offer support and advocate for ourselves. I've built a website in hopes that I can find them all and we can all join forces. It seems like the right time in the world, with many women finally courageous enough to band together and stand together. I believe we're ready to band together about our infertility struggles. Let's end the shame and the silence.
I've built it. If you are reading this, I encourage you to join us! Connected, we can change the world of infertility.