Making the Decision to be a Single Mother By Choice #SMBC

October 27, 2017

 

 

 

On October 27th, during the first two week wait (TWW) of TTC with donor sperm, I thought sharing my journey to my rainbow baby was the most productive way to pass the time. The baby that I miscarried was due on November 18. He's in heaven now, my angel baby. Hopefully soon I'll have my take home baby #THB

 

I think the part that made it most lonely was being afraid to openly talk about using donor sperm.  It was complicated.  I had been pregnant by my partner after not trying, not preventing (NTNP).  I miscarried the baby.  I had not been TRYING to conceive. 

 

What happened to the father of the baby (FOB) that I miscarried?  That was difficult to navigate and surely would draw more attention than it really merited. Short story?  He was gone.

 

Compounding this issue was I had family members who didn't know FOB existed.  That's a long intro...there was this guy, he knocked me up, the baby didn't make it, I decided I wanted to have a baby, the guy who knocked me....I don't know what happened to him.  I think he got cold feet?  He wasn't exactly forthcoming, except to say he was leaving, moving on without me, and I would be better off without him. 

 

It's a LOT to say, but I would totally say it!  It's why no one in my family ever questions me when I drone on about my "therapist." They all think I'm crazy and usually encourage me to continue in therapy.  

 

So..Hi!  It's me, your crazy relative.  I'm trying to have a baby at 46 with my own eggs and oh! I'm using donor sperm.  Don't worry, I talked to my therapist and she's TOTALLY down with it.

 

Even in group therapy and support groups, I connected fully with no one.  So I pulled out my laptop and attempted to connect with everyone and no one, at the same time.  In the place of loneliness and a wanting to connect, Simply Tanika was born.  I started posting weekly videos on YouTube about my journey.  Little did I know I would connect with other women in a way I couldn't have POSSIBLY imagined.  It was amazing and it was all because I wasn't afraid to share the truth.  The world is such a different place when you chose to live in your truth.

 

 


 

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